Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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