im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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