"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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