When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
