Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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