I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
