He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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