It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize