I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
