i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
