My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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