Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
