I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Congratulations! We have a period
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