you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize