By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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