I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
