No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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