Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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