She's JV to your varsity
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
