I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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