when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
