There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
