can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
