my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
