I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
