last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
