LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
