I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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