Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
