spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
