My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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