I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
