just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
