i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
