we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
