i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's always time for handjobs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
