i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
