The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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