I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
