some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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