it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
