We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
