I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
