He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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