I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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