Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
