i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
