In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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