saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
