I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
