I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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