You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
