Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
