Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
