the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
