I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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