my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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