BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
