i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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