He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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