it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I deserve this hangover.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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