It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
