Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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