i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think your dad took our porno
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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