i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
