I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
