I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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