if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't deserve a penis
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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