I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
