yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
