i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize