Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
