he thought i was a dude.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
