Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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