While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
