How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
