when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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