He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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