The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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