We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were trust falling into bushes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
