It was confusing and full of hummus
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
