Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
