So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
