I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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