watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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