Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
