come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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