Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize