I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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