The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
