We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You made out with two different species that night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
