it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
