I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
